I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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