You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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