don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
is that a dick in a sweater?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
