This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
