So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
