it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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