her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
