He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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