don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
