it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
