Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude i'm inner monologue high
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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