I think my fart just growled at me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Someone came in the potted fern
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
