hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
These tits shall not be calmed
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
