R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My cat gives me a boner
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
