We won't sleep together?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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