420 ftw
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
