i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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