I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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