thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
