Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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