After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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