My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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