I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize