I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
