I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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