she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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