i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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