her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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