my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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