Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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