i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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