I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
