Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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