that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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