She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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