i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
sex in a hospital.. check
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
