i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
