Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I believe in your delicious
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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