so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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