We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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