so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
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She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
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No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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