i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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