The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
