Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
