i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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