i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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