Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I met the friendliest cop last night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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