How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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