next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
