So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize