Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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