We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
