Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
