it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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