***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
