I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
