I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
