He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
