Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
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I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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