I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
