he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
