just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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