i will never coherently bang her
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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