walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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