Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just had sex on a roof
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
