I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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