My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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