Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
