so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
